Tomorrow I will be a better mummy....

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy....

Every night before bed often whilst sitting on the loo for 5 minutes (just because I can without a 1 year old at my feet) I vow to myself that tomorrow I will be a better mum. The mum I had always hoped to be and the mum I thought it would be so easy to be.

Before having a baby you think you have everything laid out and ready. I know what I'm going to baby will sleep, my baby will eat, my baby will be well mannered and well behaved. Im blessed that my son has Infact been a dream with most of those things but the reality is that it's hard work, it often all goes wrong and at frequent points during the day you really couldn't care less what they eat, play with, watch or behave like as long as you can just sit down for 2 minutes in peace.

No one tells you how guilty you will feel at the end of every single day....or maybe they do and you just can't understand until you feel that guilt yourself.

But tomorrow I will be a better mum

Being a mum means that you have been blessed with a miracle. A little person that relies on you in every way. You are your child's lifeline and with that comes responsibility, emotions you never thought you could feel at crazy ends of each spectrum and of course guilt.

As a mum my job is to guide my child. Build his confidence. Teach him how to be independent, teach him how to be kind, teach him right from wrong, teach him to sleep, teach him to eat, teach him how to behave, teach him how to cope under stress, teach him that not every car on the road is a duck and that just because we waved to daddy in our car once it doesn't mean daddy is in every other car in our surrounding area.

So it's all about teaching yet no one teaches us the REAL parenting skills we need to survive when that bundle of joy arrives. Yes Gina Ford you have most certainly been a lifesaver in our household but to be quite honest if my son sits happily watching the first 10 minutes of home and away each night after his bedtime bottle and associates that with bed I really couldn't care less! It works for us and so whilst I will most definitely feel guilty that I didn't read him a story instead it will still happen tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.

So here I will give you my list of 8 things that make me a guilty mummy.

1. Food

I love pintrest...infact I have endless boards on how to make rainbow spaghetti, Spinach & Ricotta muffins and organic toddler meals. My son hates them all! Infact anything homecooked by me he hates....unless Its my lunch or dinner. That's far nicer right? This issue is Not because he is fussy but because I introduced him to the rather expensive taste of Ella's kitchen at 5 months old. Damn you Ella! You managed to get both of us hooked on your pouches!

Tomorrow I will get my ice cube trays out and tomorrow you will eat my homecooked food. But then again probably not! Infact I will probably feed him an Ella's pouch and steal one for myself at the same time!

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy.

2. Patience

Before having my son I would have rated myself as a very patient person. Fast forward 11 months with a crazy toddler emptying my underwear draws, makeup draws and covering himself in sudocream all whilst I take a quick shower (with the shower door open for easy spying access) I would now rate myself less patient. Believe me I have read enough blogs and books about the importance of patience and praise. I know I will damage him by saying the word NO on repeat and really I should be redirecting him instead but do you know what? Sometimes I feel like I should have named him no. I use it so many times every day and each and every time the guilt hits me.

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy.

3. TV

Parenting experts suggest that children should not be exposed to TV for the first two years. HOLY CRAP! My son knew the Kardashians intro music from inside the womb. Ever Heard of Baby TV on Sky? Yep well he loves every single programme on that channel. I won't lie if I need to get something done and he doesn't want to play on goes baby TV. If I finish my jobs and he is finally playing then I quite often switch it to the Kardashians whilst he isn't looking. Double Guilt!

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy.

4. Toys

Books, puzzles, crafts, you name it we have it. Of course like every loving mother I want my child to play with toys that will enhance his development but when he is bored of those.....which he is by 7.20am then I do the cardinal sin which I swore I would never do and give him my phone! It's probably got tonns of germs on it too right? Well in that moment my thought process is that a) he can learn numbers trying to get past my PIN and b) germs are good for the immune system.

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy.

5. Tiredness

Did you know that sleep deprivation is a form of torture? As in it's really used to torture people?

On occasions a few hours after my loo sitting guilt fest the baby monitor will go off. It's 3am and my first thought is....oh crap that sounds like a distressed cry. When I run to the bedroom (wearing nothing) and I look over the cot to see a cheeky child asking for daddy my 2nd thought is why did you wake me up? Im

so tired? Why do you want me awake? Why are you doing this to me? These same thoughts pop up at various times of the day when he doesn't nap or Ive been up for 15 hours and I just want to sleep. Why are you doing this to me?? I know's because he wants his mummy and needs me so why should I care if I'm tired? It's my job!

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy.

6. You've ruined my plans

So you have a plan for the day. An exciting one....even if that's meeting friends at a dreary play cafe. You've been looking forward to it for days.

BUT baby wakes at 4am, breakfast is early, naps are early, oh shit baby will be asleep....Gina Ford says I can't leave when baby is asleep. Never mind we will just meet them for a bit later on, baby is awake, get him ready, pack bag, get coat on, oh shit the baby has change of the car, arrive at hungry, Feed baby and the session you hoped to make is over. Great I've waited ALL week for this. Thanks! Mustn't think you have ruined my day because that's just mean.

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy.

7. Wine

Now as a stay at home mum I obviously have no money. I wouldn't have it any other way.....well unless I could win the lottery but every night at 7pm I put my baby to bed and pour myself a glass of wine. Good by mummy and Hello me time! I can't afford that luxury and I could buy tonns of educational books over the year with that money but I don't. I enjoy that glass of wine and I probably will continue to do so.

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy.

8. Daddy!!!!

My son worships the ground my husband walks literally! If he could get out of bed each morning and kiss his feet he would. Except my husband doesn't get him out of bed each morning...I do. He definatley needs me at first waking as mummy gives him milk but as soon as that milk is gone I get a chubby hand shoved into my face so he can make his way to daddy.

When daddy is home then Im just the maid and when mummy says no....daddy says yes. Daddy is the mum I always wanted to be and I find myself getting just a tad jealous that Im not number one. But I mustn't think that because my son is so very very blessed to have such a wonderful daddy and me to have such a wonderful husband.

Tomorrow I will be a better mummy....and wife!

So there you have it. My 8 mummy guilts. But the one shred of hope I cling onto each night is that if I am feeling this guilt then surely I know I could do better and that makes

me an okish mum right? Through all the tiredness, lack of patience and trash tv the one thing I know for absolutely certain is that my son is my biggest achievement. My life is brighter every day for him being in it. He is the light of my life and the centre of my world. I never knew it was possible to love so hard or that my heart could break into a million pieces when he is in pain or upset. I might get it wrong but he is teaching me how to get it right and I hope one day if he reads this (not yet as I've not introduced nearly enough letter books this year) he knows I would do anything for him.

Tomorrow and the next day and the next day.....I will be your mummy xxx